"..I have never loved anyone more.."

      They say that you never truly know how much you love someone until you've lost them. In my case, the truth is, I always knew deep down how much I loved him, but where I fell short, was showing him. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I loved my husband. No one. Not even my own children. That might seem harsh, especially if you’re a parent, but let me explain. My husband was my very first true love and the man of my dreams. He was one I prayed for and hoped that God would bless me with. He was the man I grew up with and the man who made me THEIR mommy. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have them. That’s pretty freaking special and amazing if you ask me. I didn’t have a father to look up to, to love or be loved by. The love that he has for our children, oh the love that it gives me inside, completely indescribable.

     Here’s the thing though, I lost that love, I let it slip right through my fingers. Somewhere along our long journey of life, we let the world creep in and destroy the best thing that I truly believe, ever happened to the both of us, each other. See we were so young when we got married and by no means do I think that’s an excuse, but we were not prepared to handle real life situations like real life adults. We were babies and we acted as such when life got tough. Through the years, resentment and anger built up and we let it get the best of us. I still desperately loved that man that stood in front of me every day, but I was so mad at him, that most days, I don’t even know if I told him that I loved him. He was (and many times, is) my very best friend. I cannot imagine my life without him, but he’s no longer mine. I will tell you, nothing hurts more than to say that, nothing. If you’re married, engaged, or ever plan of living life with your one true love, don’t just tell him, SHOW him how much you truly do love the man that he is. Men need that kind of validation, they crave it. 

      There is not a second of the day that I don’t wish I could change the situation I’m in. There’s not a second that I don’t wish that I would have done things the right way  from the very beginning, that I would have let our marriage be one that was led by God, not just

begging for Mercy when times got tough. I wish instead of just praying for the man I loved, that I would have also prayed with him, through the good times and the bad, for our life together and our future together. Those were the things we messed up. Realizing that you failed at being an adult, when it’s too late, is far more difficult, than fixing things when there’s still time. It’s been six months since the rug was pulled out from beneath me and I have yet to find my footing. I am completely lost without the love of my life. He may not know this, but he was the one who saved me, who showed me that a man could love me and could also step up and be a father, when he had no other obligation, but to just be a good father. Who knew that it was that easy. He makes it look sooo easy. He restored my faith that a man could provide for his family and love his children unconditionally. HE did that for me. 

       So I write this with the hopes that I reach even one hopelessly in love soul... Love with EVERYTHING within you, even when the days are long, the nights are short. Love even when you don't feel like it, when your mad, when your bitter. Not only pray for him, but pray WITH him. SHOW HIM That you LOVE him!!! It seems so simple, but life sometimes passes you by. The laundry, bills, cleaning, and kids can get in the way, don't let them. I promise NOTHING is more important than that love the two of you share, everything else will fall into place. Don’t let it be too late. Believe me, you WILL be sorry. I know I am.