When I went live with this page, I originally wrote "My story" from a current point of view, who I am today. I didn't include how I got here or the trenches of life that I have gone through and sometimes still go through, to get here. So I made the executive decision to re-write this section to give you more of a sense of me and who I REALLY am.
I have many friends, acquaintances, and family members who get to see the "me" through the social media lens. I NEVER vocalize my struggles to anyone other than my husband, sometimes my closest of friends, and maybe my mom. I don't believe in the saying that if someones' life on the outside looks perfect, it's probably crappy, because in all honesty, we ALL have that part of us who want to only post the good stuff and leave out the bad. Who really wants to post about the 10 meltdowns a day your toddler is having, the piles of laundry that needs done, the dog who desperately needs a bath, the car that needs an oil change, and well you get the point. However, it's those things, those annoying tasks, that only crazy people like dealing with, that make us human. So here is my story, here is who I am, where I came from, and how I got to be the person that I am today.
I am an only child, raised by a single mom, who lived a not so glamorous life, however I never went without. I was born in South Florida and moved to Central Florida the summer I turned 7. The town I consider home, is a small town, and everyone in the county knows someone who knows someone.. you know the kind. Well I started there in Elementary school and had the same circle of friends from second grade on. I was kind of "chubby" in Elementary school, but no one in school ever made fun of me or anything, it wasn't even a thought (at least that I knew of). Weight in my family however, has always been an obsession, it was CONSTANTLY talked about. Now please don't misunderstand me, I come from a wonderful, loving, supportive family, however my family struggles with obesity and because of it, it was common knowledge that me being "chubby" was a factor that I needed to get control of or I would be doomed like the rest of them. By the time middle school hit, especially seventh and eighth grade, my sense of self-worth was destroyed. Girls at that age naturally struggle with self-esteem issues due to the hormone/body changes that are constantly occurring, but add in the pressure of needing to be "thin" and all measure of self-esteem went out the window! I struggled with a combination of anorexia and bulimia for those adolescent years and had it not been for one of my closest friends at the time, building me up and making me believe that I was better than that, I don't know where I would be. He helped me gain healthier habits of actually eating and working out instead of starving my body of food.
My love for working out started when I was in the eighth grade. I played basketball with the boys, swam laps in the pool, ran at the local track, lifted weights... I did it all! To this day, the passion for an active life has never ceased. My weight has always been a fluctuation, and throughout High school I struggled some, but no more/less than the majority of my friends. Even though grade-school wasn't that long ago, the obsession of clean eating, raw, and organic had not begun. Life was simple and thankfully my circle of friends were always there for me when I needed them. No it wasn't perfect, I mean seriously, who goes through High school without a lick of drama?! But that's the norm, this boyfriend, that friend this week, those friends the next week.. I had built such a strong foundation in my life by that point, that the good outweighed the bad.
During High school I had an on again/off again boyfriend, who eventually became my husband. We began dating when I was a freshman, he was a junior, and our crazy love story began there. My junior year he left for boot camp and we continued our relationship long-distance. It wasn't easy, but we made it work through letters (yes letters... I ran to the mailbox everyday!). The summer entering my Senior year, he popped the question, and I said yes! Oh what crazy, young, didn't know what life really was, lovebirds we were. One year later and a few odd months, we were married. I was eighteen, never been away from my small-town bubble, living in a new city, in our new apartment. I was terrified! Our relationship had not been all peaches and cream up to this point and now being married to the military, it was not getting any better. We madly, deeply loved each other, but there were many times that I know both of us questioned if that was enough. Through three back to back deployments, we had grown so far apart, our first few years of marriage, that it was a daily struggle to get along. Thankfully, through our belief in God, our refusal to give up until there is nothing left to give, our dedication to our vows "for better or for worse", we stuck with it and now 8 years later are stronger than ever.
Immediately following his last deployment, in 2007, we became pregnant with our first child, Brenton. Prior to the pregnancy, all the stress, partying, and unhealthy lifestyle, I had gotten to be my heaviest. So here I was getting pregnant at my heaviest weight and the pounds continued to pile on. I was not conscious of what I ate, if the baby "craved" it, I ate it! 38 weeks and 40lbs later, I had a handsome baby boy. When Brenton was about nine months old I was tired and fed up with all the weight I had gained and was still carrying and decided to do something about it. I joined the local weight watchers and signed up for a Pilates elective course at the college I attended. Between the two I lost 40lbs in a matter of a couple months. I began to finally feel like myself again. I fell head over heals in love with Pilates and continued on into the next class the following semester. I was sad when the year of Pilates classes had to come to an end, but I stuck with it here and there at home, but I began to lose that passion and that fire that I once had. Life started to creep back in on me and the pounds started to creep back along with it. By the time my son was around two years old, I had gained back all but 10lbs of what I had lost. I decided this time to get the help of a personal trainer. I went to my consultation, started with my first month, and then found out I was pregnant with my daughter. All efforts were placed on hold. This time however, I knew I was going to do things differently. With my son, I had to have a c-section due to him being in breech position, and I so desperately wanted to experience natural birth... yes, yes, I know what your thinking... she's crazy.. maybe just a little ;) However, I was determined that I would have my V-BAC! Between the constant guidance of my wonderful Nurse, my constant awareness of what I was eating, and the determination to experience natural birth, I went into labor on my due date and had my precious little princess the following afternoon...naturally and only gained 20lbs the entire 9months.. 14 of that being in my last trimester. It was by no means an easy birth, but I'll save that story for a later date.
Since I gained next to nothing, knew how to lose the weight this time, and had this brilliant plan to continue on my weight loss journey, I was for sure that I would be back to pre-pregnancy in no time! I was part of a wedding eight weeks following the birth of my daughter, and there was no question in my mind that I could look good..... um... WRONG!!! This time around, losing the weight was a slow, constant struggle. I was not cleared to workout for a while, so walking was all I had. I had hit my pre-pregnancy weight by the time of the wedding, however my body had changed soooo drastically that I had hit rock bottom. All of a sudden the scale was going in the opposite direction and I felt hopeless. I saw one of those silly infomercials for INSANITY and decided to purchase it. It came in, I took the fitness test the following Monday and about died! What kind of crazy person created this absolutely, definitely lives up to it's name, workout?! Needless to say I didn't stick to it for very long, and well the weight continued to creep up regardless of any effort I made. I finally decided that maybe I should talk to my doctor, because being over 200lbs on a barely 5foot frame, was beginning to take a toll on me. After test upon test, everything continued coming back normal, perfect health, etc, etc. SOMETHING had to be wrong! As a last ditch effort I decided to have my birth control removed and waalaa... 1 week later I was down 10lbs! I decided to dust off the Insanity program I had purchased six months prior and this time it was much easier... well lets be real... it's by NO means easy, but I think it was my mindset that had changed.
In the middle of my journey, I met my wonderful coach and mentor and just before starting month two of the workout, I made the decision to become a coach myself. I completed the program, lost 10lbs, and an insane amount of inches, but what I gained along the way has been far more valuable! I gained back my sense of self. I went from that terrified 18year old in a new city, to a 26year old mother of two with a new view on life. My passion to help others to find that self-confidence and sense of self burns so deep inside and it all stems from my story. This story, the one of a small "chubby" girl wanting to be different, an adolescent teen tired of not being accepted for who she was and what she had to offer versus her looks, and a young wife/mother who had lost who she IS as a person, not who she was to others. I still struggle with telling people who I am as a person. I respond, a mother, a wife, a student, etc. I am those things, but I am so much more than that. I am loyal, I am strong, I am caring, I am loving, and I am working on being fearless. These words describe a part of who I am, who I have become, and who I hope to be.
I have many friends, acquaintances, and family members who get to see the "me" through the social media lens. I NEVER vocalize my struggles to anyone other than my husband, sometimes my closest of friends, and maybe my mom. I don't believe in the saying that if someones' life on the outside looks perfect, it's probably crappy, because in all honesty, we ALL have that part of us who want to only post the good stuff and leave out the bad. Who really wants to post about the 10 meltdowns a day your toddler is having, the piles of laundry that needs done, the dog who desperately needs a bath, the car that needs an oil change, and well you get the point. However, it's those things, those annoying tasks, that only crazy people like dealing with, that make us human. So here is my story, here is who I am, where I came from, and how I got to be the person that I am today.
I am an only child, raised by a single mom, who lived a not so glamorous life, however I never went without. I was born in South Florida and moved to Central Florida the summer I turned 7. The town I consider home, is a small town, and everyone in the county knows someone who knows someone.. you know the kind. Well I started there in Elementary school and had the same circle of friends from second grade on. I was kind of "chubby" in Elementary school, but no one in school ever made fun of me or anything, it wasn't even a thought (at least that I knew of). Weight in my family however, has always been an obsession, it was CONSTANTLY talked about. Now please don't misunderstand me, I come from a wonderful, loving, supportive family, however my family struggles with obesity and because of it, it was common knowledge that me being "chubby" was a factor that I needed to get control of or I would be doomed like the rest of them. By the time middle school hit, especially seventh and eighth grade, my sense of self-worth was destroyed. Girls at that age naturally struggle with self-esteem issues due to the hormone/body changes that are constantly occurring, but add in the pressure of needing to be "thin" and all measure of self-esteem went out the window! I struggled with a combination of anorexia and bulimia for those adolescent years and had it not been for one of my closest friends at the time, building me up and making me believe that I was better than that, I don't know where I would be. He helped me gain healthier habits of actually eating and working out instead of starving my body of food.
My love for working out started when I was in the eighth grade. I played basketball with the boys, swam laps in the pool, ran at the local track, lifted weights... I did it all! To this day, the passion for an active life has never ceased. My weight has always been a fluctuation, and throughout High school I struggled some, but no more/less than the majority of my friends. Even though grade-school wasn't that long ago, the obsession of clean eating, raw, and organic had not begun. Life was simple and thankfully my circle of friends were always there for me when I needed them. No it wasn't perfect, I mean seriously, who goes through High school without a lick of drama?! But that's the norm, this boyfriend, that friend this week, those friends the next week.. I had built such a strong foundation in my life by that point, that the good outweighed the bad.
During High school I had an on again/off again boyfriend, who eventually became my husband. We began dating when I was a freshman, he was a junior, and our crazy love story began there. My junior year he left for boot camp and we continued our relationship long-distance. It wasn't easy, but we made it work through letters (yes letters... I ran to the mailbox everyday!). The summer entering my Senior year, he popped the question, and I said yes! Oh what crazy, young, didn't know what life really was, lovebirds we were. One year later and a few odd months, we were married. I was eighteen, never been away from my small-town bubble, living in a new city, in our new apartment. I was terrified! Our relationship had not been all peaches and cream up to this point and now being married to the military, it was not getting any better. We madly, deeply loved each other, but there were many times that I know both of us questioned if that was enough. Through three back to back deployments, we had grown so far apart, our first few years of marriage, that it was a daily struggle to get along. Thankfully, through our belief in God, our refusal to give up until there is nothing left to give, our dedication to our vows "for better or for worse", we stuck with it and now 8 years later are stronger than ever.
Immediately following his last deployment, in 2007, we became pregnant with our first child, Brenton. Prior to the pregnancy, all the stress, partying, and unhealthy lifestyle, I had gotten to be my heaviest. So here I was getting pregnant at my heaviest weight and the pounds continued to pile on. I was not conscious of what I ate, if the baby "craved" it, I ate it! 38 weeks and 40lbs later, I had a handsome baby boy. When Brenton was about nine months old I was tired and fed up with all the weight I had gained and was still carrying and decided to do something about it. I joined the local weight watchers and signed up for a Pilates elective course at the college I attended. Between the two I lost 40lbs in a matter of a couple months. I began to finally feel like myself again. I fell head over heals in love with Pilates and continued on into the next class the following semester. I was sad when the year of Pilates classes had to come to an end, but I stuck with it here and there at home, but I began to lose that passion and that fire that I once had. Life started to creep back in on me and the pounds started to creep back along with it. By the time my son was around two years old, I had gained back all but 10lbs of what I had lost. I decided this time to get the help of a personal trainer. I went to my consultation, started with my first month, and then found out I was pregnant with my daughter. All efforts were placed on hold. This time however, I knew I was going to do things differently. With my son, I had to have a c-section due to him being in breech position, and I so desperately wanted to experience natural birth... yes, yes, I know what your thinking... she's crazy.. maybe just a little ;) However, I was determined that I would have my V-BAC! Between the constant guidance of my wonderful Nurse, my constant awareness of what I was eating, and the determination to experience natural birth, I went into labor on my due date and had my precious little princess the following afternoon...naturally and only gained 20lbs the entire 9months.. 14 of that being in my last trimester. It was by no means an easy birth, but I'll save that story for a later date.
Since I gained next to nothing, knew how to lose the weight this time, and had this brilliant plan to continue on my weight loss journey, I was for sure that I would be back to pre-pregnancy in no time! I was part of a wedding eight weeks following the birth of my daughter, and there was no question in my mind that I could look good..... um... WRONG!!! This time around, losing the weight was a slow, constant struggle. I was not cleared to workout for a while, so walking was all I had. I had hit my pre-pregnancy weight by the time of the wedding, however my body had changed soooo drastically that I had hit rock bottom. All of a sudden the scale was going in the opposite direction and I felt hopeless. I saw one of those silly infomercials for INSANITY and decided to purchase it. It came in, I took the fitness test the following Monday and about died! What kind of crazy person created this absolutely, definitely lives up to it's name, workout?! Needless to say I didn't stick to it for very long, and well the weight continued to creep up regardless of any effort I made. I finally decided that maybe I should talk to my doctor, because being over 200lbs on a barely 5foot frame, was beginning to take a toll on me. After test upon test, everything continued coming back normal, perfect health, etc, etc. SOMETHING had to be wrong! As a last ditch effort I decided to have my birth control removed and waalaa... 1 week later I was down 10lbs! I decided to dust off the Insanity program I had purchased six months prior and this time it was much easier... well lets be real... it's by NO means easy, but I think it was my mindset that had changed.
In the middle of my journey, I met my wonderful coach and mentor and just before starting month two of the workout, I made the decision to become a coach myself. I completed the program, lost 10lbs, and an insane amount of inches, but what I gained along the way has been far more valuable! I gained back my sense of self. I went from that terrified 18year old in a new city, to a 26year old mother of two with a new view on life. My passion to help others to find that self-confidence and sense of self burns so deep inside and it all stems from my story. This story, the one of a small "chubby" girl wanting to be different, an adolescent teen tired of not being accepted for who she was and what she had to offer versus her looks, and a young wife/mother who had lost who she IS as a person, not who she was to others. I still struggle with telling people who I am as a person. I respond, a mother, a wife, a student, etc. I am those things, but I am so much more than that. I am loyal, I am strong, I am caring, I am loving, and I am working on being fearless. These words describe a part of who I am, who I have become, and who I hope to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment